Well it seems to be the Christmas season. At least that is all I am seeing on TV commercials and hearing on the radio now. Even the Christmas Carols have started. I imagine all the stores are set up for Christmas and the Christmas muzak is playing in the elevators!
I usually love Christmas. I don't really like the shopping, but always look forward to the season. Visiting and entertaining. Shop windows all dressed up and Salvation Army Buckets and Bells to help the poor. The big day, starting with a Christmas breakfast and the smell of the turkey cooking and the kids (now grand kids) playing with all the new things they received from family and friends!
Unfortunately that all belongs to the Land of the Employed. I don't think I have ever been totally unemployed at Christmas before. I have been employed at jobs that were low on the pay scale or part time in my younger years but never entirely unemployed. I find this to be really depressing when money issues are so upfront and center at Christmas time. I have been plugging along so far, pinching and scrounging, thinking I am doing the right thing by waiting to see if the funding comes through for college. Unfortunately I am unable to do the type of physical work I have done in the past. Being a paramedic and rescue personnel have destroyed my back. I am almost guaranteed the funding by the sounds of things but won't know until February. Now though I am re-thinking this.
So I am finding that I can't "do" Christmas. I am miserable. I can't entertain so I don't want to visit. I can't shop as I don't have the money. I have to tell everyone to please not buy for me as I cannot reciprocate. I don't want to hear the Christmas Carols or see the advertisements or watch any Christmas shows. The Christmas Spirit has been taken out of my Christmas. The Grinch has once again stolen Christmas. Like it or not, Christmas costs us dearly.
So, I feel awful as I am going to disappoint the grand kids this year. I have no Christmas cheer to spread so I already feel I am going to be lousy company. All because of our crappy economy. Caused by the greed of money hungry individuals, institutions and banks. The ones that already had hordes of money. Modern day Grinch's! I am one of the so called "Victims of the Recession".
So this is why I am re-thinking my position. I had worked my way up and it took years. Divorced single Mom, two children to raise but I did it and made my way up in the world to where I and my family were comfortable. All gone now.
Maybe I should give up the dream and take what ever job I can get so I can make ends meet. I don't know. Can I settle for a job instead of a career? Again I don't know. What I do know is that if I chose that, there is no going back!